So that sucked. But Tottenham can hold heads high.

penalties tottenhamSo that is that then. No silverware this year. Crashing out to Basel on penalties was a bit harsh, especially after playing overtime with just ten men. And they did so without arguably their three best players in Lennon, Sandro and Bale. Or Defoe.
And Basel is a good team. Irritating but good. They would all fall over at the whiff of a white shirt but were more than happy to go in studs-up anytime a Spurs player got the ball. And the whole trying to get someone booked was bloody annoying. Very Man U of them. And if that Salah guy had done that hand gesture egging Walker on I’d have nutmegged the guy. But that is me and that’s why I am not playing right back for Tottenham.
But it isn’t all bad. Perhaps it is a blessing in disguise. Tottenham have two weeks to get rested fit and ready for a tough run in without distractions and extra games.
Whatever the outcome, and fifth is a very real possibility this year, it should be seen as a good season for Spurs. This isn’t the Spurs of old that would panic and would give up the ghost late in games. Automatically fold to ManU. Manage to balls up the semi-annual Arse defeat. This year, Spurs have taken four points off Man U including beating them at Old Trafford for the first time since Danny Blanchflower was playing or something like that. Tottenham have changed from a team that would give up goals in the last minute to a team that scores them. A team that plays with a system, which when it works is very effective. I haven’t seen a Spurs defence as organized and disciplined in years. When the squad is fit it is one of the best in the world. And I say that without irony.
Andre Villas Boas has quashed those critics this year and he is proving to be the manager Chelsea thought he was going to be. And at 36, if Levy leaves him alone and gives him the support he needs, he could turn into a long term great. I agree with Ledley King, Spurs could win the Premiership in the next three years. And that’s the first time in as long as I can remember, where that is not a laughable concept.
AVB has instilled a steeliness that Spurs have lacked in recent years and a desire to win. While they covered up some poor performances, those last minute goals by Bale and Dembele and Adebayor in the Europa League this year showed that the team has the drive to win. The best managers know that winning engenders confidence. Winning the Europa League was a legitimate goal this year and giving it a good go should be applauded and not criticized by those who think it might end up costing the team champions league spot.
While fifth would not be a disaster, Spurs do need to finish fourth. They get Champions League football the following year, probably keep Bale and can attract the talent needed to move the team forward. Spurs will need to build up their squad somewhat to handle the workload and the other top four teams seem to be able to handle multiple campaigns. By making a good run at the Europa League this year AVB can see how far his team have come and how far they need to go.

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Whatever you do, don’t tap those red shoes together

vatican

Tonight the evening news announced that the world had a new pope. Er no. Only Catholics got a new head guy in a funny hat and red shoes. Apparently if he taps them together he gets to go back to Argentina.
It was funny to see every fawning and obsequious news anchor on the planet jockeying for space around St Peter’s square. They with their crews and producers and the thousands of tourists flooded into Rome spending money on food, swag and hotels. Same as it ever was. Say what you will about the Catholic church they sure know how to put on a show and they have been getting the punters into Rome for two thousand years with this schtick. In the old days, gangs in the pay of the Vatican would rob you of any money you didn’t leave in Rome. Today, Romans just fleece you with fifteen buck espressos.
Lots of red robes and pointy hats and a lot of gold. They literally hold their meetings inside a priceless masterpiece. The difference for them is they just walk into the Sistine Chapel whereas hapless tourists have to walk six miles through the Vatican museum and through the gift shop. Again same as it ever was. Only now they sell God touching Adam tea towels as opposed to hall passes out of purgatory.
I wonder how many of the world’s poor would be helped with all the money spent on this spectacle.
So they did pick the first non-European for close to two thousand years. Although he has an Italian last name, so let’s not get too excited. I mean for heaven’s sake they have only just got their head around this whole earth going around the sun thing, so it’s going to take some time before they start getting their heads around giving the keys to some guy from the dark continent.
The nice thing about the Catholic church is of course continuity. And so we pass from an Austrian with a complicated relationship with the Nazis to an Argentinean with a really close relationship with the fascist military junta in the 70s and 80s. Nice. Friend of the poor. Just not left wing ingrate ones.
Odd that this is the first Pope Francis, although that is probably something to do with him being a Jesuit and Francis Xavier being one too. You know those Catholic hierarchies–more internal sects and gangs than the New York mob. They are also nastier too.
I have only met one Jesuit. He used to come to my school–yes I did go to Catholic school—and he creeped everyone out. You definitely didn’t want to be alone with him. Our young naïve minds didn’t know what it was, but we knew something was up. No one knew why he showed up. He’d just drop in to see how the teaching was going….tending to his flock I think was the term. I think it is called grooming these days. I don’t want to paint all Jesuits with the same brush, but you know 99 percent always spoil it for the other one percent.
The new pope is also a young wippersnapper at 76. He became an adult in 1955. Before Elvis. Before Sputnik. Before the women’s movement. Before HGTV. Even before England won the World Cup and that was freaking ages ago. So, I wouldn’t expect a twitter account and a linkedin profile any time soon. Although Ratzenberger did start a facebook page. Status update retired and looking.
The nice thing about the Catholic church is of course continuity. And so we pass from an Austrian with a complicated relationship with the Nazis to an Argentinean with a really close relationship with the fascist military junta in the 70s and 80s. Nice.
Sort of has you yearning for Borgias. At least they were fun.

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Stricken liners or more like a tweet really

So, the media have been closely following and giving round-the-clock coverage of this stricken cruise ship off Alabama. Three thousand people feeling helpless, living among sewage, anxious, sleeping exposed to the elements and having barely anything to eat. So, sort of like a billion people in the third world then. Where is their coverage?

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Dreary roots bands and Dr. John’s hat

dr john

Oh, I am so old. You watch the Grammys and you go “Who the F is goitre or whatever their name is. And you watch a bunch of people who sound alarmingly like average bands of 30 years ago and you scratch your head. Maybe that is because of the wretched age-related mange, but I digress. And maybe the music sounds like crap because your hearing is gone.

Of course the old always gripe about the music of the young. My old man used to rib me about my music. “Queen? Druggies the lot. Elvis Cos bloody stello? What drivel. What’s he pumping up? A tire?” And I am sure his dad ribbed him about his music too. “Who is this Fats Domino bloke? You wouldn’t get ‘im doing all that nonsense round these parts. Leicester is not a place for black music lad.” (Irony alert if you have been to Leicester recently.)

Now I know there has always been crap music. And I understand the importance of the fleeting nature of pop music. That is not what I have a problem with. Everyone talks about the sixties and ‘Hendrix man’ and ‘Clapton was god’…but if you look at the British charts, we had a whole lot of Ken Dodd and the Diddie men….google that guy…and the yanks had Paul Revere and the Raiders. The seventies had Mud and The Rubettes. Again google and enjoy. I sit dutifully and sing along with my four year old as she listens endlessly and repeatedly to Taylor Swift, Carly Rae Jepson and Cher Lloyd…whom I just love by the way but not in a creepy pervy kind of way…and that’s all good. And Taylor — when my kid grows tired of you — I am never, ever going to listen to your music again. Like, ever. I understand it is my kid’s music, she loves it and I get it and I don’t denigrate that. She has fun with it…so that is all good. Pop is pop.

There was a lot of slapping on the back last night because the awards went to people like The Lumineers and Fun.. Thus rejecting the anodyne pop of Carly Rae Jepson and Justin Beiber et al.  Which is fine in a way but what was all that pretentious twaddle on show?

I am reminded of an old Billy Bragg quote wherein the British Bard of Barking opined that you can either play your guitar over your chest like a prat or over your balls like a man. Well, there were a whole lot of prats on parade the other night.

When did this thing start? You sling your guitar up under your chin and you do this leg stomp thing, have you microphone so high you have to come up under it like you are licking your bassist’s nuts, then do some wailing stuff and then, with a leg stamp, break off to do a wanky acoustic guitar solo. Ray LeMontaigne seemed to start this and it was nerdy and annoying on him, albeit new at the time. Now they are all at it. When did rock music cease to be cool and become so geeky? When we were kids, we wanted to be Iggy Pop or the bassist from The Jam, who was fuckin’ cool. Now you want to be the third multi percussionist/ from The New Revivaleers?

You know you are hooped when you have Lena Dunham beaming and clapping at you, ‘cause you are in her inner sanctum of “so nerdy we are cool, but earnest and still deep and committed to issues and stuff” friends.

The Lumineers won for a song I got for free from a Starbuck itunes download card and then deleted. But everyone got to whoop or something along with the band. These people do not look like they are having much fun –  a vaguely amused, sardonic detached sort of fun I guess. And when did everyone start dressing like extras from “The Hatfields and McCoys”?

And a band called Fun. won something – the period on the end signalling…er….why not call yourself fun? Or are you fun period as a sort of post-modernist, ironic feminist take on menses? At least they looked like they were having their namesake.

I thought it very fitting that the Grammys gave all-star tributes to Dave Brubeck and Bob Marley. Both notable for the fact that neither of them ever won a Grammy. Which puts them in good stead as the list of bands and people never to have won a Grammy is quite staggering – Led Zeppelin, Sam Cooke, Otis Redding, Wilson Pickett, Diana Ross , The Who, Chuck Berry, The Doors, Buddy Holly, the Clash, Queen, Snoop, Public Enemy, Tupac, Oasis, Hendrix and, until last night, the Beach Boys, because the remaining members of that band are just so relevant these days. Wouldn’t it be nice….if that band had won a freakin’ Grammy in 1966 for Pet Sounds…perhaps the most important American rock or pop album of all time?  

Now, to be fair, the Beatles did get a couple Grammys while they were together – six actually — one for new artist of the year, one for Hard Day’s Night and a couple for for Sgt Pepper’s and Song of the Year…for ‘Michelle.’ Now, if you were to go through the list of great Beatles tracks and pick one to give an award to…is ‘Michelle’ the one you come up with? And one for Soundtrack because Let It Be is technically a soundtrack. That’s it. And the Rolling Stones won the first of their two in 1991. Not 1965 or 1970 or 1978 or 1982 as one might expect.

It should be noted, to put that in context, that Kanye West has won 21.

The Grammys have been slightly better of late but that is more a function that they give out 421 awards each year. Best vocal – traditional bluegrass salsa combo long form record box set. Best traditional pop. Actually that is a real award, won this year by Paul McCartney. What is the criterion for that? You must be older than Beiber?

At least Jack White looked like he was up for it and belted out a decent angry guitar solo. And top marks for Dr. John’s head dress. I so wish Elton had snagged it too. That would have been awesome and not pretentious in the slightest.

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How is it that Spurs remain in fourth?

baleSo how is the whole not buying striker in the transfer window working out for us Mr. Levy?

It seems OK. Spurs are currently the third best team in the league over the last six games…behind only the Manchesters. Spurs sit fourth and are unbeaten in nine. So maybe it is all fine and part of some master plan we lesser mortals could never understand. But let us see how we are at season’s end shall we

I know it is a another pile on against Levy, but really we have had four or five transfer windows and our strike force consists of Defoe and Adebayor…neither of whom are the picture of consistency. A win against West Brom and a tie against Norwich, both courtesy of Gareth Bale wonder goals can’t cover up  this glaring issue. Now, with Defoe injured and Adebayor somewhere in Africa, Spurs have no strikers. None. Well, none over the age of six.

AVB can say all he wants and allude to the fact that the Spanish side don’t play with a natural striker. But Spurs didn’t look like Xavi et al on Sunday did they? They looked like Tottenham — without a striker. Against the ten-man Baggies. And managed but one goal.  How many crosses from Bale, Lennon and Assou-Ekotto sailed over people’s heads; balls that any striker over five foot six could probably have headed home.

AVB is indicating Bale could play up front and hey we have this new kid Holtby…he’s German you know so must be good…to sort of fit in somewhere up frontish. Who needs strikers when you have so many great midfielders? But Spurs should have known Ade was going to go off to Africa for the ACN and Defoe often goes off the boil. So where is the backup?

You could say you can’t argue with success. Spurs are a point out of third this year and unbeaten in nine games. True enough. But it is a tenuous lead.  Spurs tried to buy a striker last January, bringing in the goal machine that is Louis Saha…who I believe is now ploughing his trade in the Slovenian third division.. Clunk! A huge lead over Arsenal and third place in the bag so who needs a proper, expensive striker? Well, a colossal collapse later and no Champions League football again. No 20 odd million in TV revenue and a whole bunch of gate receipts lost. Plus the loss of experience for a young team. One more goal and a tie into a win and Spurs would have sown up third. This summer, again no striker.

I know Levy tried to land Damaio in the summer and in January, but he should have realized the Brazilians were dicking around or just ponied up the cash they wanted. Either way it didn’t happen. Levy should have seen where that was going a couple of weeks into the window and opted to pay up or bail out and go for a Negredo or someone like that. Someone who will get you goals for this year and would be a good experienced addition for next.

Spurs opted to be cheap or conservative and now they are relying on the hope that Bale and Holtby are going to get them out of jams each week and keep Spurs in the top four.

Well, if they don’t, next year one of them won’t be wearing a Spurs shirt and we all know which one that will be.

 

 

 

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Spurs’ unbeaten run ironically highlights glaring weakness

dembele

In many ways the last three games have been the best indication of the AVB revolution at Tottenham. They have shown the team’s strengths and highlighted one, ok actually two, glaring weaknesses.

The past three games against Swansea, Stoke and for one half Aston Villa have seen those three teams decide to park the bus in front of their own net and try to steal one on a breakaway. Clearly they have been watching videos of earlier games where Spurs have dominated possession but have been unable to score and then are pretty knackered and give up a late goal. It is an interesting statistic that if games were 80 minutes long Spurs would be top of the Premier League (and presumably Man U be down with Sunderland).

What has made the last three games different is that Spurs have not given up that late goal. Have remained patient and kept at the task at hand with relentless drive. The results were that it took a long time but Spurs finally found a way to get a goal against Swansea, were unable to break down the best defence in Europe but did deny Stoke any chance of scoring and took advantage of Villa changing tactics and sliced them up pretty easily in the end.

Certainly having solid centre backs helps…assois-toi Monsieur Gallas… and Lloris has barely put a foot wrong. That is three in a row and four out of five games with clean sheets. Sandro and Dembele have been awesome in the middle of the park and have allowed Spurs to completely dominate possession and they are great at what they do. And with Parker as back up for both, Spurs are pretty solid in that area.

But here is the problem highlighted by the last three games. Spurs do not have someone in the middle of the park who can provide that laser-like pass through the centre to the feet of Adebayor, or into the path of a racing Defoe or can move up to provide support for the strikers. Both Modric and Van Der Vaart provided this last year.

If you want an example of what I am talking about see the opening goal at Aston Villa. A straight pass through the centre (provided by a full back Kyle Naughton in this case) that took out two defenders and went straight to the feet of Defoe who was, for once, facing goal.

Bale’s three second half goals were great and highlighted his brilliance, but the previous two and a half games showed that even great wingers and overwhelming procession can’t always win you games against hard working defences. Chelsea have Mata, Man City have Nasri and Silva. Spurs need that sort of player to provide that moment of inspired creativity, someone who can turn one point into three.

Daniel Levy spent a lot of time on the last day of transfers landing Clint Dempsey who has been, for the most part, underwhelming at Spurs.  As a consequence, the deal for Porto’s Joao Mountinho could not be concluded in time. I am convinced that he, or someone like him, is the missing link for Spurs. A 2-3 midfield of Sandro and Dembele and then Bale, Moutinho and Lennon would be spectacular and a rival to both Chelsea and Manchester City’s midfields.

There rumours that Wesley Sneijder is coming, although with Spurs’ cheapo wage structure you have to think they have a better chance of signing Wesley Snipes.  Another choice is Isco from Malaga…who are going broke so may just want to sell. And Levy loves a sale. But then this is the guy that brought in Louis Saha and Ryan Nelson last January so let’s not get out hopes up for anything spectacular.

The second shortcoming is this. I can’t remember a game where one team got 14 corners in one half. 14? And not one resulted in anything like a scoring opportunity. Over hit, under hit, or straight to a defender. Against a Stoke with Shawcross and Huth. OK. But Aston Villa shipped eight goals last week. Spurs could have wrapped the game up in the first 20 minutes. I can’t remember when Spurs last scored from a corner. AVB needs to spend a week training for corner kicks.

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The Good, the Bad and the Ugly and why finishing second isn’t always so bad

So, in the oddball rules of the Europa League, finishing second appears to be a good thing.

After tonight’s disposal of the plucky Greek Panathinaikos, Spurs are into the knockout phases, and while hardly setting the footballing world alight, were unbeaten in the group stage.

According to the rules, Group winners and the four best third-place finishers from the Champions League are seeded and the second-place group finishers and the other four third-place finishers….are you still with me….are not seeded. You also can’t play someone you played in the group stage and can’t play someone from your own country…at least not in this round. (I think the rules were written by the guys that write IKEA instructions)

So by finishing second, Spurs face the daunting prospect of playing er…Plzen, Dnipro, Genk, Ruben Kazan (didn’t he direct On the Waterfront?) Cluj or Olympiakos. Who they avoid playing include Inter Milan, Athletico Madrid, Chelsea, Zenit St Petersburg, Stuttgart, Napoli, Newcastle and Beyer Leverkusen.

I know which group I would rather take my chances with. There are a couple of potential difficult teams in the seeded clubs – Benfica, Hannover and Fenerbache but even those teams should be fearing Spurs rather than the other way around.

Of course, watch Spurs get Metalist Karkhov and go out.

The last few weeks have seen the good the bad and the ugly. Spurs were particularly good in routing an impressive West Ham team. Were pretty bad in the second half against Liverpool and the win over Fulham was down-right ugly.

Still, maximum points can’t be sniffed at. And at least at Fulham Spurs kept a clean sheet, although that was more down to a lacklustre display by the Cottagers than any great shakes by the Spurs defence.

Am I the only one whose heart leaps to the back of my throat every time Gallas touches the ball?

It is quite clear that Spurs need Dembele in the line-up. He doesn’t do anything super spectacular but he just seems to be able to get the ball, keep the ball and then make the smart pass. And it is very effective. It is a pity he has been injured and it is interesting that the time Spurs struggle has been when he is out. Is he a natural and able replacement for Modric.? Not sure about that, but he is showing why Spurs spent so much money on him. It will be interesting to see what AVB will do with him when Parker returns in the next week or so. Maybe a three person central midfield of Sandro-Dembele-Parker with the Belgian playing further up field behind the striker…much where the sort disappointing Dempsey is playing now. That would be a gritty hard tackling and perhaps overly defensive midfield but aided by Bale and Lennon a pretty impressive one.

On the subject of the American, he has been playing better of late and the absence of Bale has seen him play in a wider left winger spot. I am sure those Greek defenders gulped when they saw Defoe, Dempsey and Adebayor lining up together. All of whom scored tonight by the way.

Bale seemed to have stepped it up a notch recently too and his displays against Liverpool (face-plant own goal notwithstanding) and West Ham were among his best. But now he is injured for a couple of weeks. Maybe it will give him a bit of a rest so maybe a small blessing in disguise.

Spurs’ next three matches which he is likely to miss are Everton, Swansea and Stoke. Difficult but not unwinnable games. After losing three on the hop Spurs are back in fourth, tied with the third place disaster that is Chelsea and on a three game win streak. Beating Everton will be a big boost. So here is hoping.

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So much for snow-mageddon

 

So much for snow-mageddon

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Mid term report card

It’s been a while between posts….either I was on assignment in an unspecified sub Saharan country preventing an evil mastermind taking over the world,  or I was taking a well-earned rest on the slopes of Gstaad or I was on parental leave and didn’t have two seconds to myself….

So Tottenham then.

It has been quite the first eleven games to the season. AVB has finally got the team playing to his style for better or worse. And there a few things that are now quite evident. Spurs will be a power going forward but this season is going to be a tough one to get through….for every victory over a Man U there is going to be a hideous loss to a Wigan. Which is pretty much the history of Spurs, so no change there.

Is there any team so frustrating…always so close and yet always one sandwich short of a picnic?

It is time then for a mid-term report. A sort of snapshot of where the most annoying team in football stands 18 cup and league games or so games into the season.

Under-performers (and there a lot)

A couple of the new boys appear to spend a great deal of time staring out of the window, don’t apply themselves and need to work harder. Easily distracted they are having a negative effect on the other boys and have generally let their house down.

 Kyle Walker is a pale imitation of the player from last year, and has made a number of serious mistakes that have cost the team. William Gallas, while a good leader and positive influence makes far too many errors to warrant keeping his place once Kaboul returns or Assou Ekotto returns to left back and Vertonghen returns to central defence. Sigurdsson has been very disappointing. Levy, I think, hoped that Siggy would be a younger replacement for Van Der Vaart. Well, that hasn’t panned out yet. Early days yet, but disappointing. Jake Livermore is an odd choice for continual deployment. He seems to be a young version of Jermain Jenas. No apparent reason for being on the field. Doesn’t do anything particularly bad but doesn’t add much, passes sideways or backwards and is as likely to score as Stefan Freund. And finally that big ticket yank Clint Dempsey. Obviously, the move from the Fulham school has be hard on the boy as he seems lost and is consistently absent. Clearly talented he is playing well below his potential. Despite his winning goal against Man U he has been a very disappointing. Given that we missed out on landing Moutinho by a few minutes during the transfer window, presumably because Spurs were landing Dempsey, that just adds insult to injury.

Matron has taken these names and will be looking for marked improvement over the next term.

Passing grade but could do better.

Huddlestone is back from injury and is back to his best with cutting passes, but he still moves like a Peruvian coastal oil tanker. Getting better but you have to think will be sidelined by Dembele when he returns. Adebayor has been on the sidelines thanks to Defoe over performing. He will get more time but he will need to start scoring. If he doesn’t, Levy is going to go out and get that single striker that AVB wants. Probably from some bigger school on the continent.

Brad Friedel is an older boy who apparently just doesn’t want to go quietly. He was pretty good for the first few premiership games but I think since his iron man streak was ended he hasn’t been as sharp. Lloris looked pretty horrible against Maribor last week but I think that is lack of playing time. I think very shortly Lloris will be moved up to number one. Friedel was just a stop gap after all and at 42 he isn’t going to be getting better.

Wing men Lennon and Bale have been OK. Both are brilliant players capable of taking a team apart. But neither has had that sort of game where either totally dominated and completely owned another team. Bale is touted as a world beater but has yet to justify the accolades this year. Could have shown up Maicon again last week end but was strangely absent.

Dembele has been out injured so it is hard to put him in the outstanding category but clearly the team have missed him. He has been stuck further back than he probably prefers and once Parker returns he will probably move up to the position Siggy or Dempsey now occupies. Is understated but like Modric knows the right pass to make and moves the ball from defence to offence.

A couple of new boys have been OK. Kyle Naughton has been pretty solid as a backup full back. And the one game I have seen Carroll play he was pretty outstanding – a homegrown Modric perhaps. Then again Maribor isn’t Manchester United but it was a pretty good outing. We shall look for more from him.

Outstanding work.

Defoe remains the most infuriating player ever to don a Spurs shirt. At the beginning of the year, he actually passed the ball a couple of times as well as banging goals in for fun and was the only reason why Spurs were winning. Unfortunately has returned to his selfish self and the goals are slowing. Still he is third highest scorer in the league and that is all you can ask. Still needs to concentrate to keep up the outstanding season.

Caulker and Vertoghen are two new boys who have redefined Spurs’ back line. Both tall, athletic and mobile they have been two of the most outstanding defenders in the league. The Belgian will welcome moving back to the centre although he has done an admirable job out left.  

And finally Sandro. A Brazilian lad who actually does take control of a game. I think he and Parker will make a formidable wall in front of the defence and as a partnership will have to confidence to move forward into attack when necessary. You have to like any guy who celebrates a good tackle.

 A generally good term and headmaster AVB has got everyone on the same page. Still a number of boys could apply themselves a little better as there is a great deal of potential and the team is still young.

 

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“MCMXIV”

“MCMXIV”

Philip Larkin (1922-1985)

 

Those long uneven lines

Standing as patiently

As if they were stretched outside

The Oval or Villa Park,

The crowns of hats, the sun

On moustached archaic faces

Grinning as if it were all

An August Bank Holiday lark;

 

And the shut shops, the bleached

Established names on the sunblinds,

The farthings and sovereigns,

And dark-clothed children at play

Called after kings and queens,

The tin advertisements

For cocoa and twist, and the pubs

Wide open all day;

 

And the countryside not caring

The place-names all hazed over

With flowering grasses, and fields

Shadowing Domesday lines

Under wheats’ restless silence;

The differently-dressed servants

With tiny rooms in huge houses,

The dust behind limousines;

 

Never such innocence,

Never before or since,

As changed itself to past

Without a word–the men

Leaving the gardens tidy,

The thousands of marriages

Lasting a little while longer:

Never such innocence again.

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